I get many random thoughts throughout the day, some I tweet out and others I just file away and hope to incorporate them into a blog post or a column. This week that is changing. I created a sub site to terryrward.com just for this purpose. Many of my long time readers will recall that my blog used to be called forWARD thinking. Well, I resurrected the name and added a link on the main site.

My goal is to add short, quick, random thoughts throughout the day. You know, mainly when they won’t fit in less than 140 characters. Enjoy.

What do you do with your random thoughts? If you post them, feel free to share a link in the comments below.

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If you read my about me page, you know that my dad was killed in a car accident on November 8, 1971. This was exactly 6 months – to the day – before I was born. He was exactly 38 years and 2 months old; a young man with a family and what seemed like a lot of life before him. In a split second, his life ended in a tragic way, leaving his family – our family – with a multitude of unanswered questions. What if he had lived? Would things be different? Would the direction our family went in the years after his death be better than what we were faced with?

For me the questions have been rolling around in my head my entire life. Would I be the man I am today if I had known my dad? Would it had made a difference? Would things have been better?

Over the course of my life I have come to grips with most of the questions. I have even come to an understanding that my life was meant for a purpose. That God used an unfortunate situation for his glory. He has given me a story to tell and the ability to share and relate with people from different circumstances and varied walks of life. He has taken a tragedy and continues to use it for good.

But there is one question, that until today, has haunted me my entire life. Since I was a small child, I always feared that I would die at a young age like my dad. I was convinced that I would never live to be the age he was at the time of his death. As I became an adult the fear lessoned because I knew it was irrational. I knew that my dad dying young was not a determination of my lifespan. As each of my siblings aged and eventually lived past his age I felt better about my chances. In fact, I felt pretty sure of my chances until I reached my thirties.

Once I turned thirty, every birthday became more unbearable. As each year ticked past, the fear of not outliving my dad’s age got stronger. I spent the last 8 years getting depressed on my birthday. Instead of rejoicing that I survived another year and giving thanks for what I have in my life, I would be waiting for the shoe to drop. Worrying that I would leave my kids to grow up without a dad, the way that I had to. I hated my birthdays.

Why am I writing this today?

Today, I turned 38 years and two months old. The exact age of my dad at his death. This week has been almost mentally unbearable. My irrational fear tried to consume my thoughts. It has been a battle to stay positive and focus on the future.

As I sit here and write this post I still don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how long I will live. I don’t know where God is taking me or how He plans to use me (despite my flaws). Honestly, I don’t know much. But I do know that living in fear is not part of that plan. Allowing this irrational fear to consume my thoughts will not advance my life in anyway. Besides, I made it. The fear has lost it’s power over my life because I surpassed the age of my dad. The truth about fear is that once you take it’s power away it disappears.

A new chapter in my life has been opened with more chapters to write. I have a feeling that the best is yet to come – and that is nothing to be afraid of.

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Here is a great video I came across on the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association website. It is so powerful I thought I would share it with you.

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Awhile back I was invited to appear on the World Gone Mad podcast and be interviewed by my good friend Toby Baker. Looking over my blog, I realized I never posted the interview. So here it is:

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One of my all time favorite songs.

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This is a great video that every dad she see and listen to. Sometimes we forget that our children learn from our example. It isn’t only the big decisions we make that matter, it is the everyday choices that make all the difference.

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Yesterday, thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with an old friend from high school. After almost 20 years, making contact with this friend felt great. She was one of several people that I give credit to for helping lead me to Christ.

When I was a in high school my mom and I had moved to Midwest City, Oklahoma. All of my siblings were now adults and I was the last one still living at home. Having recently lived in California, I had been getting into trouble and quite honestly had an incredibly large chip on my shoulder. I thought I was too cool to be living in Oklahoma surrounded by all of the ‘hicks’. I may have been born there, but in my opinion, through the years, I had reached a whole new level of coolness.

In all of my coolness and attitude, I was standing in the foyer of the school during lunch one day when a guy approached me and started talking to me. Unfortunately for him, I wanted no part of anything he had to say and rudely brushed him off and walked away. A week later, three girls and a guy walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to go see a house they had toilet papered. I thought that would be pretty cool, so I agreed and walked out to their car with them in the school parking lot. That was the day I met Joel, Stephanie, Andrea and Cindy. I jumped in their car and Andrea looked over at me and asked if I was concerned that they were going to take me somewhere and kill me. I thought that was pretty funny and I knew right then that I had found some friends. At that point in my life, I felt like I didn’t have a friend in the world. So this was a really monumental moment for me.

The house we went to look at that afternoon, belonged to the youth pastor at Stephanie’s church. While observing this wonderful piece of art and expression, my new found friends told me about a get together that they go to each week called Young Life and invited me to go with them. I agreed to go.

I arrived at my first Young Life meeting and was intruduced to one of the leaders, a guy named Todd. To my embarrassment, this was the same guy that had approached me the week before. The same guy I was extremely rude to. Fortunately for me, after our encounter, he started praying that God would soften my heart. It worked. Now there I was, sitting at a meeting of people I barely knew but cared enough about me to reach out to me.

After that experience I became a regular at Young Life, started attending Stephanie’s church, accepted Christ and was baptized. I was inseperable from my new friends. There was hardly a day that went by that Joel, Stephanie, Andrea and I didn’t interact with one another. It was probably my first taste of true friendship.

After high school we all drifted our separate ways and eventually lost contact. Or so I thought. Apparently Joel and Stephanie had remained in contact through the years. Then about six or seven years ago, Joel and Stephanie found me and initiated contact. We even met in Oklahoma City once and had lunch and dinner. But we always wondered what happened to Andrea. She seemed to have disappeared without a trace. That was until yesterday. Stephanie finally located Andrea on Facebook and passed the information along to me. I now have a new friend with an old friend feel on my social media list.

I am not sure if the three of them know the impact they have had on my life after our ‘chance’ meeting all those years ago. But I am thankful for them, the house they TP’d, and the boldness they had to reach out to a troubled teenager.

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Today I am making a commitment to get in better shape.

I have decided to make my commitment public on my blog as a symbolic gesture how serious I am about this. It’s not that I am in horrible shape. I am farely fit. I am just not as fit as I would like to be or as I used to be. To help me along the way I have decided to make the following commitments to help me stay focused along my journey:

Exercise Commitment #1: I am going to start today, and just do anything so that I can get going. It doesn’t matter what exercise I choose, I am just going to start. I think walking and running are great ways to start, because I don’t have to pay to join a gym or get fancy equipment. All I need is a pair of shoes.

Exercise Commitment #2: I am going to stop making excuses. I know from my past experience with exercise— I have a million excuses. I don’t have enough time. I have no place to work out. I’m tired. I don’t have the money. These are all a load of crap. I am through rationalizing so I can continue to be lazy. It isn’t as hard as I think. I am going to set a date with myself to get out for just 10 or 15 minutes today, and walk or jog. My days of making excuses are over.

Exercise Commitment #3: I am just going to put on my running shoes, and get out the door. That’s all I have to do. The rest will be much easier than I think. It’s the initial inertia that I must overcome. Once I’ve done that, it will actually be invigorating and fun.

Exercise Commmitment #4: I will start out small, and slowly. Instead of starting a hard core program full of vim and vigor, I will hold myself back. The main reason is that if I start slowly, I will be more likely to succeed, and if I start by trying to do too much, I will be more likely burn out and fail. I have done that before. If I think I can run for 30 minutes, I will only run 10 or 15 to start with, then I will slowly increase over a matter of weeks. My goal is to exercise for at least 30 minutes five times a week, eventually. I don’t have to be there on day one. The side benefit — and this is a great one — is that if I hold myself back, I’ll be eager to get to my next workout. And that eagerness is a tremendous boost.

Exercise Commitment #5: I will reward myself. I am making a list of mini goals, and next to each one, I am listing an appropriate reward. Maybe I will buy myself a book if I get past the first week.

Exercise Commitment #6: I will allow myself adequate rest. Some people try to run hard every day, or workout hard every day. I need to remember, my muscles need rest in order to recover. If I don’t let them recover, I am just continually breaking them down. I will follow the hard-easy rule: after a day of hard exercise, I will go easy or rest the next day. Also, I need at least a day of rest each week. My body can only take so much before it begins to break down. I will not let it get to that point. Many very wise people have said that rest is just as important as exercise when it comes to improving performance. I will take their advice.

Exercise Commitment #7: I will think positive. This is probably the best commitment I can make. It will help me in countless ways. Any time that a negative thought comes into my head (“I can’t do this!” “It’s too hard!” “I don’t feel like working out now!” “I want to stop!” “I feel lazy today!”), I will just push it out. Squash it. And then replace it with positive thoughts: I can do this! I am strong! This isn’t too hard! If others can do it, so can I! This is no problem! I’m tough! I am AWESOME!!!!!! Positive thinking will get me past any exercise barrier.

Exercise Commitment #8: If I fail, I will get up, I will brush myself off, and I will start again. We all fail sometimes. No matter how great we are, we fail. I am sure to miss a workout or two along the way, but the key is that I just get back on that horse again. I won’t let it stop me from continuing. I have a long road ahead of me, and little problems along the way are mere bumps in the road. I won’t let a bump in the road stop me from continuing my journey.

Exercise Commitment #9: I will find someone to hold me accountable. It will be a great motivator. If know someone is checking up on me, I will be more likely to keep my exercise appointment.

Exercise Commitment #10: I will have fun! Exercise can and should be fun. I won’t let it be painful. If it is, I will slow down a bit, and enjoy the scenery. I will learn to enjoy it.

As you read my blog feel free to join me in these commitments and start your own journey to fitness or at the very least leave me a comment as encouragement. I am sure I will need it.

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In my personal time of reflection over the past few weeks I have decided to make better use of my website and blog. It’s time for some new direction and focus.

I am pulling out my toolbox, putting on my hardhat and doing a little demolition and construction.

In the next few weeks I will be conducting a major redesign and will begin to organize the content quite a bit different than it has been in the past. This will also involve eliminating some of the previous postings while rewriting/editing and reposting others.

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