I get many random thoughts throughout the day, some I tweet out and others I just file away and hope to incorporate them into a blog post or a column. This week that is changing. I created a sub site to terryrward.com just for this purpose. Many of my long time readers will recall that my blog used to be called forWARD thinking. Well, I resurrected the name and added a link on the main site.

My goal is to add short, quick, random thoughts throughout the day. You know, mainly when they won’t fit in less than 140 characters. Enjoy.

What do you do with your random thoughts? If you post them, feel free to share a link in the comments below.

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If you read my about me page, you know that my dad was killed in a car accident on November 8, 1971. This was exactly 6 months – to the day – before I was born. He was exactly 38 years and 2 months old; a young man with a family and what seemed like a lot of life before him. In a split second, his life ended in a tragic way, leaving his family – our family – with a multitude of unanswered questions. What if he had lived? Would things be different? Would the direction our family went in the years after his death be better than what we were faced with?

For me the questions have been rolling around in my head my entire life. Would I be the man I am today if I had known my dad? Would it had made a difference? Would things have been better?

Over the course of my life I have come to grips with most of the questions. I have even come to an understanding that my life was meant for a purpose. That God used an unfortunate situation for his glory. He has given me a story to tell and the ability to share and relate with people from different circumstances and varied walks of life. He has taken a tragedy and continues to use it for good.

But there is one question, that until today, has haunted me my entire life. Since I was a small child, I always feared that I would die at a young age like my dad. I was convinced that I would never live to be the age he was at the time of his death. As I became an adult the fear lessoned because I knew it was irrational. I knew that my dad dying young was not a determination of my lifespan. As each of my siblings aged and eventually lived past his age I felt better about my chances. In fact, I felt pretty sure of my chances until I reached my thirties.

Once I turned thirty, every birthday became more unbearable. As each year ticked past, the fear of not outliving my dad’s age got stronger. I spent the last 8 years getting depressed on my birthday. Instead of rejoicing that I survived another year and giving thanks for what I have in my life, I would be waiting for the shoe to drop. Worrying that I would leave my kids to grow up without a dad, the way that I had to. I hated my birthdays.

Why am I writing this today?

Today, I turned 38 years and two months old. The exact age of my dad at his death. This week has been almost mentally unbearable. My irrational fear tried to consume my thoughts. It has been a battle to stay positive and focus on the future.

As I sit here and write this post I still don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how long I will live. I don’t know where God is taking me or how He plans to use me (despite my flaws). Honestly, I don’t know much. But I do know that living in fear is not part of that plan. Allowing this irrational fear to consume my thoughts will not advance my life in anyway. Besides, I made it. The fear has lost it’s power over my life because I surpassed the age of my dad. The truth about fear is that once you take it’s power away it disappears.

A new chapter in my life has been opened with more chapters to write. I have a feeling that the best is yet to come – and that is nothing to be afraid of.

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Below is a list of the top 25 lessons I learned as a child living in extreme poverty. It is my goal to share them here in more detail over the next few months.

1. Focus on the future – the past doesn’t matter

2. Life is made up of many small decisions.

3. Making the right choice is a daily act.

4. Few things in life are truly in your control.

5. You can’t blame others for your bad decisions.

6. Decide your attitude, it might be the only thing you can control.

7. Stand up and face your problems. Running doesn’t solve them, it merely delays the lessons learned.

8. Be kind to people in uncomfortable situations.

9. Being afraid doesn’t make things better.

10. Worrying doesn’t change the future.

11. There is more to life than possessions. What you own and where you work doesn’t define who you are.

12. Be honest. Lying may seem to help in the short term but it can and usually catch up with you.

13. Choose your friends carefully. It is easy to get defined by who you associate with.

14. Don’t be afraid of hard work.

15. Don’t name the chickens they might be lunch someday.

16. Be careful where you look. Snakes are everywhere.

17. Don’t let yourself be put on a donkey against your will. You will get bucked off.

18. Just because you are left home alone doesn’t mean no one cares.

19. Kids in poverty need more than a fruit basket during the holidays.

20. Make sure your shoes are on tight before wading into the deep stuff.

21. Water is no substitute for milk. (Especially in your Wheaties)

22. A scream in the dark is NEVER a good thing.

23. More people care about you than you’ll ever know.

24. Even the meanest looking dog has a soft spot.

25. Never turn down help when it is offered.

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Here is a great video I came across on the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association website. It is so powerful I thought I would share it with you.

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Awhile back I was invited to appear on the World Gone Mad podcast and be interviewed by my good friend Toby Baker. Looking over my blog, I realized I never posted the interview. So here it is:

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One of my all time favorite songs.

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I could tell you many things about who I was in the past. My favorite color, sport, and food. I could tell you what my style was. What my attitude was like. Past crushes I’ve had. Mistakes I’ve made. Past accomplishments…. I could tell you SO many things. Or I could just lie. But I don’t think I’ll do either. The past is a place I’ve been before, and I’d rather not go back. I’m not one to reflect on the past anymore. I can’t change it, and even if I could, it’s better how it happened. That’s the way it was meant to be.

In my English class, my teacher thought it would be fun to write about “who I was, who I am, and who I will be”. In my opinion? Not so much.

For the part of who I was, I’d best describe it with a really awesome Relient K song called Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been. In part of the song it says,

“I talked to absolutely no one. Couldn’t keep to myself enough. And the things bottled inside, have finally begun to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up. And I heard the reverberating footsteps synching up to the beating of my heart. And I was positive that unless I got myself together I would watch me fall apart. And I can’t let that happen again. Cause then you’ll see my heart in the saddest state its ever been.”

And really, I’m not gonna be the same again. I’ve changed, and it’s better how things are now.

For who I am, I think of everything that I’ve written on here, and that one doesn’t bother me so much, because it seems I’m fine for now.

And for who I will be-I don’t know. I’m only in 8th grade and not exactly sure what college to go to (if I go at all) yet. I know what I want to be, and I’m working at it, but college? I’m too young to have to worry about that now. I’ve changed a lot in even just 3 years. What makes people think 4 years won’t change me? My life may be a lot different. But I don’t know. I don’t have any way of seeing the future, and I’d rather it that way. I want it to be a suprise, and a mystery for now.

So which one should you focus on? I think you shouldn’t look back, because you can’t change that. And you shouldn’t really stress about the future, because that may not happen as you think. I guess you should just focus on now. Keep your eyes ahead, and know the consequences for your actions, but don’t LIVE in the future, because you might miss what’s happening now.

Guest submission by my daughter, Patience Ward. Several months ago she sent me an essay titled “Breaking Barriers” and I posted it. The response was so good I asked her if she would be interested in submitting posts on a regular basis. She took me up on my offer. This is her latest submission.

And yes, I am a very proud dad. Her creativity, talent and maturity is only rivaled by her beauty.– TW

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This is a great video that every dad she see and listen to. Sometimes we forget that our children learn from our example. It isn’t only the big decisions we make that matter, it is the everyday choices that make all the difference.

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Yesterday, thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with an old friend from high school. After almost 20 years, making contact with this friend felt great. She was one of several people that I give credit to for helping lead me to Christ.

When I was a in high school my mom and I had moved to Midwest City, Oklahoma. All of my siblings were now adults and I was the last one still living at home. Having recently lived in California, I had been getting into trouble and quite honestly had an incredibly large chip on my shoulder. I thought I was too cool to be living in Oklahoma surrounded by all of the ‘hicks’. I may have been born there, but in my opinion, through the years, I had reached a whole new level of coolness.

In all of my coolness and attitude, I was standing in the foyer of the school during lunch one day when a guy approached me and started talking to me. Unfortunately for him, I wanted no part of anything he had to say and rudely brushed him off and walked away. A week later, three girls and a guy walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to go see a house they had toilet papered. I thought that would be pretty cool, so I agreed and walked out to their car with them in the school parking lot. That was the day I met Joel, Stephanie, Andrea and Cindy. I jumped in their car and Andrea looked over at me and asked if I was concerned that they were going to take me somewhere and kill me. I thought that was pretty funny and I knew right then that I had found some friends. At that point in my life, I felt like I didn’t have a friend in the world. So this was a really monumental moment for me.

The house we went to look at that afternoon, belonged to the youth pastor at Stephanie’s church. While observing this wonderful piece of art and expression, my new found friends told me about a get together that they go to each week called Young Life and invited me to go with them. I agreed to go.

I arrived at my first Young Life meeting and was intruduced to one of the leaders, a guy named Todd. To my embarrassment, this was the same guy that had approached me the week before. The same guy I was extremely rude to. Fortunately for me, after our encounter, he started praying that God would soften my heart. It worked. Now there I was, sitting at a meeting of people I barely knew but cared enough about me to reach out to me.

After that experience I became a regular at Young Life, started attending Stephanie’s church, accepted Christ and was baptized. I was inseperable from my new friends. There was hardly a day that went by that Joel, Stephanie, Andrea and I didn’t interact with one another. It was probably my first taste of true friendship.

After high school we all drifted our separate ways and eventually lost contact. Or so I thought. Apparently Joel and Stephanie had remained in contact through the years. Then about six or seven years ago, Joel and Stephanie found me and initiated contact. We even met in Oklahoma City once and had lunch and dinner. But we always wondered what happened to Andrea. She seemed to have disappeared without a trace. That was until yesterday. Stephanie finally located Andrea on Facebook and passed the information along to me. I now have a new friend with an old friend feel on my social media list.

I am not sure if the three of them know the impact they have had on my life after our ‘chance’ meeting all those years ago. But I am thankful for them, the house they TP’d, and the boldness they had to reach out to a troubled teenager.

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